Before He Cheats: Learn How To Make Your Marriage Affair-Proof!

"This Advice Saved My Marriage!"

Featured Article:

BEFORE HE CHEATS: DISCOVER HOW TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE AFFAIR PROOF

As a couples therapist, I give a lot of relationship advice that helps clients heal the emotional aftermath that comes after an affair. The research indicates that 44% of men and 25% of women have extramarital affairs. Often, affairs are devastating and it�s one of the toughest things for a couple to overcome. Affairs can occur even in good marriages, so it�s essential that couples learn how to affair-proof their relationships. Based on my years of experience in helping couples, here are some key suggestions I've found most useful in helping make your marriage affair-proof:

Before He Cheats: Stay Connected

Couples that disconnect emotionally are the most vulnerable to affairs, and a main reason that couples disconnect is due to difficulty communicating about sensitive issues. Couples typically argue or disagree about sex, money, children, time and in-laws, so instead of avoiding these topics, learning to communicate rationally is vital for each partner feel heard and understood. You don�t have to agree, but knowing you've heard is very meaningful. If you don�t agree, you can simply say something like �I don�t see it that way, but I can understand how you do.� Over time, when conflict arises, both partners learn to emotionally toward each other rather than away from them.

Before She Cheats: Set Boundaries

Can you love someone and still be attracted to someone else? Of course! It helps to avoid situations that provide opportunities for affairs. Often, relationships, including affairs, are based on proximity, which explains why people have affairs with co-workers. This mean avoiding all socializing, but be aware of opportunities, especially during times when you�re tempted or vulnerable. For example, if you�ve had a fight with your spouse avoid discussing it with someone that you�re attracted to or work closely with on a regular basis. Call a friend, take a walk, contact a counselor. The sympathetic ear of a friend or helpful co-worker is ALWAYS appealing, so be careful.

Before He Cheats: Get Your Needs Met

Men and women have different needs based on continually reinforced notions of gender role socialization, and it�s important for couples to understand exactly what their needs are. For example, women�s primary needs are often affection, conversation, openness/honesty, financial support, and family commitment, while men�s needs are often sex, a recreational companion, an attractive spouse, peace and quiet (domestic support that allows for that) and admiration. Keep in mind, however, that these are very general and based on stereotypes. The reality is that everyone's individual needs vary, and the mains points I'd like to emphasize is that if your needs aren�t met, you�re much more vulnerable to an affair! As you can see, women and men often have VERY different views of what they want from marriage, so communication and negotiation are vital.

The good news is that these goals are achievable, but it takes work, balance, insight, and negotiation to make a marriage last.